I get it from my mama (Happy birthday, mom)
Lessons from my mother on what would have been her 55th birthday.
Becoming a mom has made me think more about my own mother. Sometimes I catch myself doing something that’s so - her. The songs I freestyle about my son are from her. Other times, I simply miss her and wish she could experience this next stage of life with me.
Unfortunately that wasn’t meant to be. Still I look back fondly on the time we shared, even as sadness seeps through. In gratitude for the good times and even some of the bad that taught me lessons, I share five lessons from my mom on her heavenly 55th birthday:
Invest in education. My mom didn’t play about education. She made sure I had the tools to excel academically and encouraged me to use education as a tool to expand my mind and opportunities. Looking back, my educational journey has been the best investment of my life. It’s opened doors and helped me experience the world in a special way. Grandy, her mother and my grandmother, was an educator and likely influenced our love for education. As I raise my son, I continue the legacy by intentionally nurturing his development and preparing him to navigate education - both the learning and the system.
Build your community. While I appreciate alone time, at my core I still love and need other people. I get that from my mom. That, and the gift to create spaces for others to connect. A big part of community for my mother and me is also fighting for others, particularly the underdogs. The unexpected and misunderstood ones for whom a little help can change everything. Finding, building, and supporting with my people is something I learned from Mom.
There is strength in motherhood. Motherhood unlocked new levels of motivation and fearlessness in me. I felt my power and courage grow as soon as I saw my son. I knew I’d move mountains and slay dragons to clear his path. Just like my mom did for me. Even when her body declined, she remained committed and downright militant in her love for her kids. She took motherhood seriously and showed up. She taught me that mothers get it done by any means necessary for their kids. Come hell or high water, I know I’ll do the same.
Laughter is medicine. Sure, life can be a lot. But it can also be pretty hilarious if we pay attention. My mother was one of the funniest people out there. Her intellect, cleverness, and sometimes irreverence produced more gut-holding, tear-faced moments than I can count. One of her favorite Bible verses was Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine…” Humor, when used responsibly, can make the difficult more tenable. Because of that, humor remains an important part of my foundation and identity.
Faith matters. Faith and my relationship with God have been on my mind more since having my baby boy. Though some of the black and white doctrine of traditional religion doesn’t play well with my gray or even technicolor views, I know that I want my son to have faith. I want him to find something larger than himself that helps him make sense of life, know peace, and decide what is true for him. I want him to have something the centers and grounds him when the world inevitably throws its curveballs.
Education, community, strength, laughter, and faith are the lessons my mother gave me on her birthday. True to form, she’s still giving and on the day when I should shower HER with gifts.
But she’s not here so the only gift I can give is this post to wish her a happy heavenly birthday. I’ll wear her favorite color (purple) and play some of her favorite artists - Prince, Fred Hammond, and Luther Vandross, to name a few. I hope she’s rocking out up there but mostly I hope she’s at peace and pain-free.
Happy birthday, mom. I love you 💜
