Pregnancy for Me Ain’t Been No Crystal Stair
TW: Mentions of pregnancy loss and grief
I feel so free. At least, I took an important first step towards freedom today.
Free to create. Free to build. Free to connect. Free to be…me again.
This morning, I decided to stop breastfeeding. It was the culmination of a long road of loving the outcome (my son), but struggling with the process (pregnancy).
You see, I am a creator, a builder at my core. When I commit to something, I do it.
And for the past year, I harnessed that energy more intensely and intently than ever before.
I directed my body, mind, and spirit toward birthing my son and transitioning him into this world.
Today was the first time I realized how much fear and tension pregnancy triggered in me.
Fear that we’d lose another baby and tension at every step when something didn’t go to plan.
Then sprinkle a healthy dose of grief from losing my mother, who passed away less than two months before I found out I was pregnant.
Pregnancy wasn’t stars and rainbows for me. It was peaks and valleys. There was a fair amount of sickness, sadness, and worry about what came next.
What I could expect and who I would be on the other side of it.
This final period, the fourth trimester, has been one of immense transition and transformation.
Becoming a mother (hey Keke!), moving to another state, and relaunching my business all in a matter of weeks.
Thankfully, I finally feel the warmth of optimism and readiness to return to myself.
A me that builds a new life and relationship with my son as a co-conspirator in his success, but also a separate human with her own needs, wants, and embodiment.
And that’s it…We no longer share my body. Our link has transitioned from a physical one to one shaped by the love we share and memories we create.
I am changed, but really, WE are changed. And I am thankful for what is ahead.
When I stopped breastfeeding, I took a step towards reclaiming my body but also some of the best parts of me.
My focus and determination. My time and drive.
My ability to create new opportunities and expand what is possible - growing the pie, making more than what existed before, rather than fighting for a slice of it.
And this might be an unpopular opinion but…I love working. I love doing. I love building.
Now, I don’t love working under toxic conditions. That is my concern with much of business and corporate America today.
The toxic, transactional, and sometimes tyrannical ways that bodies, minds, and spirits are broken in pursuit of money and productivity.
It seems any humanity that remains in business is on life support.
I see now how my drive to create and vision for the #futureofowork inspire my passion for career and business coaching.
I help others increase what they thought was possible, and then go from concept to reality.
I help them build success (and safety nets) through strategic, values-based development.
We ground their professional steps in their truths, fortifying themselves in the confidence and tools to succeed.
Because of them, I know my skills and experiences, my battle scars and accomplishments …were not in vain.
They give it all purpose.
And so, I make this final transition from pregnancy and into a new chapter of personhood.
A being where I offer the love, laughter, and leadership that make up the best parts of me.
When I stopped breastfeeding and marked the end of my personal fourth trimester, I experienced a shift I didn’t know I needed.
I am showing up for my son, my family, and myself in a new way.
A way that ignites and shares some of the best of me without giving all of me.
I welcome my body back to me.
I welcome my thoughts back to me.
I didn’t realize it until now, but I really missed me.
