Finding Her Why: Part 3
Friday morning at Flo’s house
The sun rises and beams of light flow through the blinds, casting a honey hue over the room. The glow is a stark contrast to a gloom-filled Flo, who is burrowed under the covers. Sadness and confusion owned the night, with dread taking the lead as of morning. A new workday awaits Flo, as do new questions about her future. The alarm buzzes and starts her day.
The night out with my girls was fun, but left me with more questions than before. Lisa said I might have things to work on and that opened my eyes. I worked my butt off these past few years but maybe I didn’t focus on the right things for promotion. Keisha suggested a career coach but I’m not sure that’s for me.
What I do know is that hearing I’m not Director material shook me to my core. When the team recruited me three years ago, I was more experienced than most so a promotion seemed inevitable. I worked hard and my performance reviews said I was killing it, but somehow that still doesn't translate to moving up.
So where does that leave me? Should I stay and figure it out? It seems like a waste to just walk away after all I’ve given. Then again, my time and investments might be sunk costs. Maybe there just isn’t a seat for me at their table no matter how hard I try.
The sound of the phone interrupts Flo’s thoughts. She looks down to see a familiar name on her screen that triggers a reluctant smile. Malik and Flo have been doing this dance for years.
I know this brotha is not at my door! I wipe the sleep from my eyes, take off my bonnet, and walk to the front door. Looking through the peephole, I see no sign of Malik. I feel relieved but also a bit of disappointment.
Opening my door, I still see no one. Just as I’m about to close it, a small bag along with a drink carrier catch my eye. A single rose rests in the carrier. Damn, this man is going to spoil me!
Unpacking Malik’s love offerings of assorted pastries and beverages, I text him.
Per usual, he replies quickly. He’s a good man, Savannah. We continue,
Malik constantly surprises me. Or distracts me. Sometimes I’m not sure which one. But speaking of distractions, I better get ready for work. I take a bite of my almond croissant and curse its buttery goodness before heading to the shower. Even if my coworkers can’t smell me, I can smell me. Daily bathing is a must.
In the shower, I continue to weigh my options. Stay at my company? Find something new? Decisions, decisions. Then it hits me that there’s a third option: get someone to help me figure it out. Keisha mentioned a career coach but I shrugged it off at first. Maybe a coach can actually help…
But what even is a career coach? It sounds like something rich people made up to outsource hard decisions. Do I really need someone to help me with my career? I’m smart and motivated. I made it this far on my own and should be able to do it myself.
Except, I haven’t yet. What I did to get here isn’t getting me get to the next level. I just don’t know what to change.
For now, I’ll focus on what I can do: work. My girls joke that I work like the North never won the war and they aren’t wrong. Few people can outwork me. Productivity gives me a rush. Especially when I get to work from the comfort of my home.
20 minutes later I’m at my office desk, signed on but feeling unmotivated. Call me Marlo because this week drained me. I consider moving a few meetings or taking a mental health day. I quickly shut down the mental health day because I don’t want Allison to think I can’t hang. In the end, I reschedule my less urgent meetings and (partially) reclaim my time for the day.
Besides, the weekend is near and I have some delicious chocolate waiting for me...and I don't mean the pastries sitting on my counter.
