Finding Her Why: Part 2

Thursday night at happy hour

The air buzzes with conversation and laughter, fueled by glowing lights and smooth R&B vocals in the air. As bites disappear from plates and cocktails swirl, the trio leans in to hear each other over the noise. 

“I feel partially responsible. Maybe if I made a better impression during study groups, she’d put you up for that promotion,” Keisha says while licking the Tajín rim of her mezcal margarita.

“Very funny, Keisha! But seriously, what am I going to do? I’ve been in this job for 3 years and everyone is moving up but me,” I lament while inhaling a crab cake.

“Well did she say why you’re not ready? Maybe you can focus there and be ready next time,” suggests Lisa, the eternal optimist of our bunch.

“Yeah, she said something about executive presence. Supposedly, I need to work on my communication and style. Reading between the lines, it sounds like I need better relationships with the execs. In the three years I’ve been there, it’s never come up. I feel blindsided,” I add.

“See, that’s why I work for myself. Ain’t nobody got time to read between the lines. Say what you mean and mean what you say!” Keisha says with a bit more oomph than usual. I note that the mezcal is kicking in and remind myself to order one next time.  

“So she’s never mentioned executive presence? I’ll admit that’s kind of strange if it’s holding you back from an overdue promotion.” I can tell Lisa’s HR wheels are turning. With over 10 years in HR, Lisa is our resident corporate fixer. She continues, “What about relationship or stakeholder management? Sometimes they’ll use those terms. Has any of that come up in your one-on-one’s or performance reviews?” probes Lisa.

“Nope. Never mentioned any of that,” I respond while piling the roasted veggies on my plate. “And you know I always ask for feedback. It’s always positive things and the first time I heard about any issue was when I asked for the promotion.”

“I’m no HR expert, but it sounds like she never considered you for promotion until you brought it up,” Keisha replies, taking another sip of her drink.

“I think Keisha’s right. She was a mix between shocked, embarrassed, and slightly offended when I asked about the promotion. She didn’t have clear answers and even tried to suggest my PM skills weren’t up to par because one of my projects wrapped a week late —”

Keisha cuts me off, “Wait, is that the project with that asshole? What was his name? Chad?”

“Close enough. It’s Brad. And yep, that’s the one. Thank God I got the issues with Brad and project delays in writing,” I say while nodding in Lisa’s direction.

“You’re welcome for that tip! What do I always say, ladies? If it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen. People love to reimagine facts. That’s why I’m a proud member of the PTA - Paper Trail Always!” Lisa says, all but patting herself on the back. 

We’ve heard Lisa’s HRisms a million times and Keisha jumps in to avoid making it a million and one. “Let’s keep it real. Executive presence is code for ‘can we picture YOU in leadership?’ and the answer is ‘Hell no! I cannot see your Black…and definitely not your Black WOMAN ass there,” Keisha says. 

“You might have a point but we can’t make assumptions. Maybe it’s bias or maybe our girl, as much as we love her, has stuff she needs to work on,” Lisa adds. Lisa’s words sting. Until now, I hadn’t considered that maybe I’m just not Director material. My mind and body tense as I consider this new possibility.

“Or maybe it’s both. I read all about it.” Of course she did. Keisha is the proud Blerd of our group and always reading the latest book or study. “Other folks get regular feedback that helps them develop, but our managers are more likely to be too uncomfortable or uncaring to help us. Then we get blindsided and left to the wolves at promotion time.” 

“But that’s nothing new. We all got the speech about working twice as hard to get half as far. We have to buckle down, get it done, and make it easier for those after us no matter what,” Lisa says soapboxingly. 

“Well thank you, Martha Luther King. But it’s the year of our Lord 2024 and I’m tired of singing ‘we shall overcome’ hoping to be included and respected. I’m not begging for a seat at a table that my ancestors would have flipped. I’d rather do it on my own,” Keisha responds. 

“You guys, while I appreciate the spirited debate, I still need a game plan. I don’t know how to get to the next level. What I’m doing doesn’t seem to work or even matter. What do I do?” I ask my friends, bits of desperation seeping through my words.

“Well as extra as Lisa might say I am, I think I know what you need. Have you considered a career coach? I have someone in mind,” Keisha says with a knowing smile. 

“Hell must’ve frozen over because that was actually a good idea! I knew I was rubbing off on you,” Lisa jokes, winking at Keisha across the table.

“A career coach, really? Nah, I don’t think that’s for me. I hear most of those people are scammers anyway.” I quickly dismiss the idea and change the subject. “Ladies, it’s always a pleasure but I have an early start tomorrow. Let’s get the check.”

“Don’t worry about it, girl. Dinner is on me tonight.” Lisa says, waving to the waiter. 

“And I’ve got your coaching sessions covered IF you change your mind,” Keisha adds. 

Normally I resist help, but agree to let Lisa cover dinner. As for coaching, I don’t know about all that. I let out a reluctant, “Thank you” and don’t clarify which offer I’m talking about.

“We have your back, Flo. We love you and we got you,” Lisa says. 

“Til the wheels fall off, my friend. Now let’s get what’s yours,” Keisha adds.

“That’s right because…You a bad girl and your friends bad too…,” Lisa sings. 

Like clockwork, we join in the song while clinking our glasses.

This night out was what I needed. As usual, they’ve given me love, laughter, and a whole lot to think about.