Finding Her Why: Part 2

Thursday night at happy hour

The air buzzes with conversation and laughter, fueled by glowing lights and the smooth vocals of Usher in the air. As bites disappear from plates and cocktails swirl, we lean in to hear each other over the noise. 

“I feel partially responsible. Maybe if I made a better impression during our study groups in college, she’d put you up for that promotion,” Keisha says with a smirk while licking the Tajín rim of her mezcal margarita.

“Very funny, Keisha! I’m serious though. What am I going to do? I’ve been in this same role for 3 years and everyone else is making moves but me” I lament, stuffing a crab puff into my mouth. 

“Well did she say why you’re not ready? Maybe you can focus there and be ready for next time” suggests Lisa. She’s always been the optimist of the bunch.

“Yeah, she said something about executive presence. Supposedly, I need to work on my communication and style. Reading between the lines, it sounds like I need better relationships with the execs. That was news to me.”

“See, that’s why I work for myself. Ain’t nobody got time to read between the lines all day. Say what you mean and mean what you say!” Keisha says with a bit more oomph than usual. I can tell that mezcal is kicking in. I remind myself to order one of those next.  

“So she’s never mentioned executive presence before? What about relationship or stakeholder management? Has it come up in your one-on-one’s or performance reviews?” probes Lisa.

“Nope, never. And you know I always ask for feedback. She only said positive things until now. The first time I heard about problem areas was when I mentioned the promotion.”

“It sounds like she never considered you for promotion until you brought it up,” Keisha replies, taking another sip of her drink.

“You might have a point. She seemed shocked that I wanted to be promoted. She was flustered and then struggled to explain why I wasn’t in the running. Besides executive presence, the only other thing she mentioned was my project that wrapped a week behind schedule. Sure, that’s unusual for me but other projects have been delayed by much more. Thank God I told her about the delay well in advance and got that in writing.” 

“You’re welcome for that tip, by the way. If it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen. You know people love to reimagine facts. I’m a proud member of the PTA - Paper Trail Always!” Lisa says, all but patting herself on the back. 

“Let’s keep it real. Executive presence is code for ‘can we picture YOU in leadership?’ and the answer is ‘Hell no! I cannot see your Black…and definitely not your Black WOMAN ass there,” Keisha says. 

“You might have a point but we can’t let that stop us. Maybe it’s bias or maybe our girl, as much as we love her, has stuff she needs to work on,” Lisa adds. 

“Or maybe it’s both. Other people get regular feedback for real-time development. Meanwhile we get blindsided and left to the wolves when it’s time for promotion and evals. When there are legit developmental areas, we get punished because the people who are supposed to manage us aren’t willing to have a direct conversation,” Keisha counters. 

“Look, that’s been the case forever. That’s why it’s our responsibility to buckle down, help ourselves, and show what we can do. And when we make it, we open the door for those who come after us,” Lisa says soapboxingly. 

“Well thank you, Martha Luther King. But it’s the year of our Lord 2024 and I’m tired of singing ‘we shall overcome’ hoping to be included and respected. I’m not begging for a seat at a table that my ancestors would have flipped. Period.” 

“You guys, while I appreciate the spirited debate, this isn’t getting me anywhere. I need a game plan. I want to get to the next level. And honestly, I want the title and money too. These student loans are no joke! I’m tired of waiting for my turn. It’s time to make it my turn.”

“Well as extra as Lisa might say I am, I think I know what you need. Friend, you need a career coach and I know just the one.” Keisha says with a knowing smile. 

“Hell must’ve frozen over because that was actually a good idea! I knew I was rubbing off on you,” Lisa jokes, winking at Keisha across the table.

“What I’m doing now clearly isn't working so I’ll give it a try. Let’s get the check. I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry about it, girl. It’s on me tonight. I got you.” Lisa says, waving to the waiter. 

“And I’ve got your coaching sessions covered,” Keisha adds. 

I’d normally resist the help but decide to accept it this time. I’m thankful for my girls. I let out a reluctant, “Thank you.”

“We have your back, Flo. We love you,” Lisa says. 

“Til the wheels fall off, friend. Now let’s straighten your crown and get what’s yours.”

“That’s right because…You a bad girl and your friends bad too…,” Lisa sings. 

Like clockwork, we join in while clinking our glasses.

I really love my girls. Maybe they’re right and it’s time to see what coaching can offer.